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Hikmah

Nightmare. Definition. A dream based loosely on feelings of intense fear, horror, and distress. An event or experience that is intensely distressing. A demon or spirit once thought to plague sleeping people. I believe, in my own little way, that it is a subconscious reflection of a deep thought and/or impression of an entity or event. Of which this statement is in question. ‘We cannot prevail what we cannot predict’. Or can we? Strange things have been happening to me of which I cannot decipher. Dreams I cannot fathom. Nightmares? Or perhaps visions. Prayers alone will not suffice. Dreams of a burning house, or an accident of which seemed realistic and probably surreal can also be true either partially or whole. Once I disregard these petty dreams as child’s play but regarding it ‘petty’ is a misnomer. Though a tendency of dreams being forgotten is high, a dejavu never fails to occur now and then. Enigmatic. I never thought of myself as a seer or one who sees divination. Clairvoyance? Not even when my visions became true of which I feel remorseful. One would conclude the fact that I am probably endowed with profound moral and spiritual insight. But I would prefer it to be mere coincidence no matter the counts. Lets not discuss it specifically. The dogmas of the stormy past are inadequate to the quiet present. The urge to tell the tale was decent, at least only for the ones closest to me.

An old friend once told me that in your sleep, red symbolizes a warning. In addition to the dream I had of fire, envisioning red last before my assets engulfed in flames in a matter of minutes was a shocker. Life seemed so cruel at that point. Withdrawn, melancholy, oblivious and depressed, isolation was the best solution. And for once in my life, I have never felt so despondent, vulnerable and lost that I was unsure of my own strength in overcoming the holocaust. It seemed beyond my capacity. The urge to cry was inevitable but even a single tear at that pivotal moment could have shattered someone’s heart when you are considered the pillar of strength. A shoulder to cry on was badly needed, a scream would have sufficed, and a hug would have been sufficient but my pathological narcissism flared up in time to give me a quarter strength not to falter, at least, not in front of the loved ones.

Hikmah. It means wisdom in Arabic. Was commonly conveyed by relatives and friends for comfort or to express sympathy at times like this. People believe that with each downfall, comes great wisdom. There is a reason to everything and good things are never far behind. As nonchalant as I can be at times, I believe it to be precise. Though almost all was lost, life itself took a better turn thankfully, and my karma moderately skyrocketed henceforth. To me, it takes a holocaust to know the limitations of your strength, the bonds of a family and your true friends.

For the compassion, loyalty and love, for being my pillar of strength, for keeping my feet on the ground, and for showing me that nothing is impossible in this world, I truly salute. Hearts out to the strongest person I have ever known, one whom I greatly respect and for being the nicest most understanding person in my entire life, my mom.